Proof that Trump is a virgin.
All good things must come to a beginning, and here at Infobomb we’re dedicated to sharing the truth behind seemingly normal everyday situations.
For the sake of clarity, I would like to explain, when I say “virgin”, I mean this not as an insult but merely a description of somebody whose life happens to be devoid of sexual activity.
The subject of my examination? Trump, POTUS, Drumpf, The Cheeto (my personal favourite nickname for the 74th president of the United States).
Many readers will refute my claim on the basis of Trump having multiple offspring, but I would like to present some evidence supporting the theory that they are in fact adopted, and not the natural fruit of his own workings.
Firstly, see the image below.
Many large differences can be seen between Donald and Barron, the most prominent of which being the glaring age disparity.
With Donald clocking in at 72 years old and Barron at a mere 12, the two could not be less alike.
Secondly, the facial expressions tell a story better than any of us here at Infobomb could.
On the left we see Barron, introspectively glaring, most likely thinking about trademarked gaming franchises (Minecraft, Guitar Hero, Dota 2) of which he’s known to be a fan.
He’s clearly very uncomfortable to be stood in front of the nation, and would much rather be at home mining for rare gems or building a to-scale model of his local Tesco.
Donald, on the other hand (the images proverbial right hand), can be seen announcing his thoughts to the world with an almost president-like confidence.
With one hand raised and another lowered, this man is no stranger to testosterone-fuelled battles of wit and saying what is on his mind, no matter the subject.
If the two were truly related, these traits would have passed down genetically and Barron – the only child of Donald – would be taller, closer to his father’s age, and would spend much less time on the gaming PC he recently built.
It’s also no secret that Donald is married to a wife, although there is no evidence available to the public that the two have ever laid down upon each other. In fact there is significantly more evidence to the contrary.
The most prominent piece of evidence is that Melania Trump (First Lady to ever work in the White House, according to wikipedia) is simply out of Donald’s league.
The image above demonstrates this perfectly; the POTUS’ awkward smile next to his supposed girlfriend proves that Donald is not comfortable around any woman, let alone one as confident as Melania.
If Trump is unable to even stand near the woman without breaking down emotionally, it’s impossible for the two to have done the disgusting deed which often results in offspring.
This claim has also been backed up by an uncle of one of the Infobomb staff, who works a job in the White House, a mere janitor by day but when the clock strikes midnight he operates as the main strategist for the US army.
Using techniques learnt from RTS games since his childhood, the man we will refer to as ‘Uncle X’ puts together impeccable plans, the likes of which led to the takedown of Bin Laden just a few years ago.
Uncle X also knows a way to get new movies on DVD before they’re released, although the picture quality is imperfect.