True News

Nigel Farage Condoms Cause Surge In Viagra Sales

Viagra manufacturers are reporting record sales following the recent UKIP conference in Birmingham. After images of Farage-face condom packets and UKIP-brand underwear went viral on social media, an epidemic of impotence has been spreading like wildfire.

Purchasers of said products are baffled as to the cause.

“I just don’t get it,” said Brian McCloughberry, conference attendee and proud Kipper. “The missus had just finished watching an episode of Poldark and was well up for it as usual. We got down to business but the moment I got the rubber out and looked at my idol’s face on the packet, Brian Junior went south faster than Theresa May’s political credibility.”

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‘I Love UKIP’ underwear was also for sale at the conference, apparently described as both practical and highly absorbent by the bow-legged, drooling man distributing them. Yet even these have been reported to have had unforeseen consequences.

NO2

“I bought them to spice up our sex life ‘cos I don’t agree with condoms,” said Sarah Reaser, a 26-year-old mother of eight from Stotfold, “but soon as Dave saw them he weren’t in the mood no more and he’s been sleeping on the sofa ever since. I dunno what the problem is.”

Dark reasons have been suggested to explain these seemingly-unconnected events, however.

Writing on Twitter, ‘TrueBrit10256781’ has claimed that the distribution of the condoms and underwear are part of a sinister plot by leftists to bring about an epidemic of impotence, allowing the “Great Replacement” of the British people by immigrants and Muslims to be accomplished more swiftly.

We asked random Muslims for their opinion on this, but couldn’t get them to stop crying with laughter long enough to get a coherent answer.

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