True News

Queen Elizabeth has passed away at the age of 92. Just kidding!

Sorry if I scared you!
The queen hasn’t really died, but net neutrality is about to.

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Elizabeth II, pictured, is most likely alive and well – breathing royal air in the same lungs she’s had since 1926.

As we speak, the face of our currency is browsing her favourite websites on her iPad Pro, perhaps upvoting some hilarious Reddit posts or posting Pepes on 4chan, although this may all come crashing down any day now.

Net neutrality is at risk on account of vicious lawmakers in their large marble palaces drinking wine who would love nothing more than to rip from our hands our ability to browse all websites at an equal speed, not bottlenecked by paywalls and premium subscription packages.

These elite upper-classfolk sitting upon clouds woven from the finest silk have no understanding of internet culture like you, I and Queen Elizabeth II do.

They would much prefer a fat wad of gold coins (pictured) in their back pocket than the ability to freely play games on Miniclip, laugh at cats in predicaments (requesting a cheese burger) or to stream their favourite television show on a sketchy website with “Click here to cum 1000 times” pop-up adverts.

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Exhibit Shift+4

It’s due to this generational gap that the laws that could potentially murder net neutrality should be argued against, If you’d like to petition against the proposed laws please send an email to my mate Terry, he says he can get it sorted.

 

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Categories: True News

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