After calling for a ban on milkshakes containing 39 teaspoons of sugar, campaign group Action on Sugar have dramatically escalated their activities by demanding that the BBC immediately cancel the Apprentice.

“For too long we’ve been concerned with the grotesque levels of sugar in food and drink,” stated campaign spokesperson Irma Gerd, “but now we feel the time has come to address the toxic influence of Sugar in media as well, and the Apprentice was the natural place to start. I mean, have you seen this year’s candidates?”

Infectious: avoid all contact

Opponents have hit back, claiming that adults are perfectly capable of making their own choices about what to eat, drink and watch, but Action on Sugar has dismissed this argument.

“The nonsensical ramblings of glucose-junkies,” their spokesperson responded. “We only want what’s best for people, and if they can’t appreciate that, they’re wrong.”

Action on Sugar’s new advertising campaign

Our reporter phoned Lord Sugar for a response which was as follows: “What? Who the f*ck would come up with something so— is that you, Katie? How did you get this number?”