T-SERIES HAS OVERTAKEN PEWDIEPIE IN SUBSCRIBERS

It’s finally happened. Indian company T-Series has made history by surpassing YouTuber PewDiePie in subscribers. Press F for our former King of YouTube.

Screenshot 2018-11-02 at 07.41.57

RIP

Just kidding!

But whilst we have you here; do us a favour and click the following link to subscribe to PewDiePie and help him get to 69 million subscribers first. Nice.

https://www.youtube.com/user/PewDiePie 

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Evian Water and the Illuminati: A Sordid Affair

 

There is an insidious plot that we at InfoBomb have unearthed recently, and that is that popular water brand Evian are in cahoots with the Illuminati.

If we go missing any time soon you will know why.

“This is nonsense.” I hear you tutting at your computer screen, meaty hand clasped around your beloved bottle of Evian TM branded water, fresh from the mountains of Ehveeahn (whispered with a French accent), trusted conglomerate, the official water of Wimbledon. They would never deceive you, would they? They’ve been here for you your entire life, the first drink you drunk as you exchanged your mothers teat for something more nurturing: the corporate essence of life. “This is complete garbage, this author is off his/her/xir/cis nut.” Maybe so, but that is besides the point.

Our Claim

Here we go: Evian is working in conjunction with the Illuminati to keep us under-hydrated and easier to control. Why? I just said why. How? Let me show you.

The Evidence

Screen Shot 2018-10-31 at 15.02.56.png

What type of water needs Snapchat? Water that cannot be trusted to not send you unsolicited pictures of it’s junk

Look at this bottle of water. It clearly states that it is 50cl on the side, or 500 milliliters. 500 milliliters is a quarter of 2 litres, which is the recommended amount we proletariats are to drink per day to remain healthy and attractive. Now, I am not a scientist but if you look closely you will see that this bottle, quite clearly, is not big enough to contain a quarter of my recommended hydration allowance. Absolutely no way.

Screen Shot 2018-10-31 at 15.04.00

Who is that helpline to? Poseidon?

What’s more, if you look at this label it states the composition of minerals inside this bottle, supposedly containing things like ‘Potassium’ and ‘Calcium’ (which quite frankly I don’t need from my water because I eat dozens of bananas a day, so this is simply presumptuous and rude and I didn’t pay to be insulted by a tasteless liquid, thanks). But here is the fatal error: I have actually refilled this bottle with tap water for sustainability and to save the ice caps from dying so how can this bottle contain what it claims? It is a liar, and a charlatan, and takes me to be a fool. Not today, sir.

They Laugh At Our Ignorance

Look closely at this label and tell me what you see

Screen Shot 2018-10-31 at 15.04.08

Liars

 

e v i a n

 

e v i a n

 

Now turn it around

 

n a i v e

 

They got you good, chief. Admit it.

What Can We, The Sheeple, Do About It?

There is nothing that can be done, for you are too weak and passive due to dehydration and are now incapable of fighting back. Just lie down and think of England as Evian fills you with Hoax Two Oh.

May God have mercy on us all.

Elon Musk Unveiled As Spokesperson For Tesco’s New ‘Not-A-BBQ’ Range

In a controversial new move by the supermarket giant, Tesco™ has revealed that Elon ‘Pedo Hunter’ Musk is to be the new spokesperson for one of their latest ranges.

‘Not-A-BBQ’ is a new product developed just in time to celebrate our famous British summer. ‘Not-A-BBQ’ is a build-it-yourself toolkit comprised of firewood and a spade, so consumers can dig a hole in their garden to store non-perishable food in such as tinned baked beans, or bangers and mash.

Screen Shot 2018-10-08 at 10.54.41.png

Pictured: “Not-A-BBQ”

Tesco™ has released a statement saying:

“Name a more iconic duo. We’ll wait.”

When asked for comment upon this new career path, Elon Musk told us at InfoBomb:

“I am looking forward to working alongside Tesco with this innovative new range. I once used a Tesco Express back in 2010, when I was visiting London and had to buy a Tesco Prawn Mayonnaise Sandwich as I was hungry in-between meetings and my assistant at the time was being inept. He has since been fired, God rest his soul, but the sandwich was quite nice. Not phenomenally, not life-changing, but nice enough. I was hungry again soon after but luckily for me I got the sandwich within the £3 meal deal range, a concept that blew me away and in fact has inspired me to start selling sandwiches alongside Tesla’s as part of an automotive meal deal, but that is a press release for another day.”

AwfXqmCk

A Pictorial Re-enactment But With A Pulled Beef Sandwich

No, Australia Doesn’t Exist

Australia doesn’t exist and we at InfoBomb are lifting the lid on the MainStreamMedia’s mendacious fantasies.

The idea of ‘Australia’ is one of the greatest cover-ups of all time. It first began during the 1600’s when peasants were told that if they didn’t behave they would be shipped off to a land ‘down under’ full of crocodiles, huntsman spiders, Tasmanian devils, and other imaginary creatures. This legend was propagated as a way to keep the underclass scared and thus easier to control. People back in the 1600’s were complete idiots, as they could have easily Googled ‘Tasmanian Devils’ and would have discovered that this is a made up Looney Tunes character. Furthermore, the notion that ‘A*stralia’ is where English criminals are sent is ludicrous; everyone knows that we English are too polite and noble to have lawbreakers.

Everyone who claims to have visited Australia has been brainwashed. Tickets bought for ‘Oztralia’ flags up in the governments monitoring system, and these people are kidnapped at customs at airports and spend their ‘holiday to Australia’ in a non-disclosed location, off their nut on DMT supplied by the government to keep the illusion going. Anyone who claims to BE ‘Australian’ is a paid government shill, a charlatan, an actor, but not even a good actor like Jack Nicholson or Johnny Depp in his pre-Amber Heard days. No, Fauxstralians are the Tommy Wiseau’s of the crisis actor world. Need more proof?

Screen Shot 2018-09-28 at 13.56.40.png

Paid Actor

Here is a picture of Fauxstralia’s ‘Prime Minister’ (see: paid actor) eating a raw onion with skin on, a feat no one is capable of unless they are being paid handsomely (or even ugly).

Though this truth has been popularized by Flat Earthers it is important to note that Flat Earthers do not know what they are talking about because the earth clearly is not flat. It is hollow with an inner earth and sun. But that is a truth-bomb for another article.

Do you expect me to believe that Kangaroos and Wallabies are actual mammals and not fever dreams thought up by American militia dosed on LSD provided by the C.I.A? Give me a break.

Screen Shot 2018-09-28 at 13.04.03.png

what an idiot.

Big N.W.O Gov left us clues to decipher the true falsity of the Fauxstralia conundrum. If you look at the image below, “Austr*li*” is clearly shaped like cartoon character Scooby Doo. Why Scooby Doo? Because, like Foestralia, stoned cartoon dogs also do not exist.

Screen Shot 2018-09-28 at 13.02.01.png

utter rubbish.

The most heartbreaking tragedy of this mass conspiracy is that Steve Irwin, popular ‘Australian’ zookeeper, did not ever exist but was a character based on the hit 1998 American comedy film Dr. Dolittle. The creator of Steve Irwin was inspired by the character Jake the suicidal Tiger in the film, and thus Steve Irwin was created.

Screen Shot 2018-09-28 at 13.08.11.png

The Original Steve Irwin

It is also claimed in History books from the LIEbrary that Australia lost the cold war against Emu’s. What a bunch of nonsense. Any country that cannot win against some jumped up, oversized chickens does not deserve to be considered as a real place.

Don’t buy into the lies. Boycott Australia.

Inspiring: Woman Orders Gluten Free Option Despite Not Being Intolerant

A woman in East London wowed her friends at brunch on Saturday, when she decided to eat gluten-free pancakes instead of her regular order.

Penny-Rose Tabernacle, 32 and from Hackney, told her friends that she had been feeling less tired during the day since switching to a gluten-free diet. Penny-Rose, a lifestyle blogger who works from home, said she only slept once during the afternoon now, and for only 90 minutes. This is despite doctors insisting that she does not have a gluten intolerance.

“It was amazing,” Penny-Rose’s friend Bridge told us. “Penny-Rose asserted to the waiter serving us, bold as brass, that she would be having the gluten-free pancakes made with almond flour and flax seed, topped with an organic wheatgrass coulis and ethically sourced cacao nibs. All of us were blown away. It was amazing to see her so confident and energised. In fact, she spent the next 2 hours telling us about her new diet. I was late to a baby shower, but I didn’t mind because I hadn’t bought a gift for the baby anyway as it’s not going to be born for another month and the shop assistant at Waitrose told me that a mortar and pestle isn’t “baby friendly” anyway.”

Speaking exclusively to InfoBomb, Penny Rose told us:

“I used to suffer from mysterious chronic stomach pain once a month, and I was very irritable. The doctors said they could find nothing wrong with me, but since switching to a gluten-free diet my overall health has improved in leaps and bounds. I’ve been doing this for two weeks now and I’ve only been a ‘silly moo’ once this week; when the barista at an artisan coffee shop put almond milk in my latte instead of cashew milk. I’m a whole new woman!”

Rumours are circulating that Penny-Rose will order pizza with a cauliflower crust at her next girls night-in event, but only time will tell.

 

 

Adults Furious To Learn That Bert And Ernie Are Not Real People

Social media users were in uproar today to discover that Bert and Ernie, two popular Sesame Street characters, do not actually exist.

The shocking news was delivered on twitter by the account @SesameWorkshop, who tweeted:

Sesame Street has always stood for inclusion and acceptance. It’s a place where people of all cultures and backgrounds are welcome. Bert and Ernie were created to teach young children that people live in a Matrix and need to break out before it’s too late. The whole show is an allegory for Plato’s Cave. Also that Cookie Monster has some major issues.

Outraged by this revelation, the public took to Twitter in droves to voice their concerns.

‘Susiejones81’ tweeted:

“You should be ashamed. Absolutely reprehensible. I can’t believe you’d mislead me- I mean, my young children for so long. My children were looking forward to meeting them, maybe even purchasing a house on the Sesame Street, but you can bet your bottom dollar that ain’t happening now. #MAGA”

User ‘therecistance’ concurred and suggested to organise a mass protest, tweeting:

“Let’s hit them where it hurts and boycott the place. I will never visit your street again! Your cancelled sweaty! (3 nail emojis)”

Even President Donald “J for Jay” Trump waded into the row, tweeting:

g0M_e7Gq

We asked Big Bird for comment, but he thinks he’s too good for us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not Calling Pluto A Planet Is Celestial Body Shaming, So Why Do We Do It?

12 years ago, the International Astronomic Union decided to adopt an unrealistic ‘definition’ for the term ‘planet’, which caused Pluto to be demoted to a ‘dwarf planet’. It was planetary apartheid.

The term ‘dwarf planet’ is problematic in of itself, as dwarfs cannot become planets and it is a constant derogatory reminder of their own earthly limitations.

Removing Pluto from the order of astronomical bodies is erasure, plain as day. It is the same old story, time and time again: big planets are always represented in media and on the front covers of magazines like Take A Break, whilst smaller planets (which are more realistically proportioned for the Average Planet) are an afterthought and are always given sidekick roles like “the small but funny best friend” in rom-coms.

Why is it always bigger planets that are picked for catwalk shows? Jupiter, the Emily Ratajkowski of planets, gets more representation that it’s worth in popular space culture. But Jupiter is privileged, and this spatial size inequality has sparked online campaigning, including the hashtag #PlanetsAtEverySize in protest to the exclusion.

Recently, however, there is talk of redefining the word “planet” to allow Pluto to be at one with its peers. Though this will be seen as a “win” for universal society, we must ask ourselves a difficult question: why Pluto was deemed ‘not good enough’ in the first place?

We asked Pluto for comment but it has yet to get back to us.