New meme alert! ‘Planking’ takes the internet by storm

You may be familiar with 2018’s latest memes and trends such as ‘Homer In Undertale’, ‘Opal Chinaman Style’, and the ‘Do A Poo In Sainsbury’s Challenge’ but as of last Wednesday the internet has given digital birth to a new craze known as ‘Planking’.

Not to be confused with Wanking, Planking is an activity in which an individual lays flat in an unusual situation while a friend photographs it, saves it to their computer and uploads it to The Online for all to enjoy.

As of the 8th of October 2018, more than 150 images of planking have been uploaded to Twitter alone, causing an overload in the main servers.

One spokesperson at Twitter HQ told me the following:

“We’re getting overwhelmed with all the wanking (sic) images being uploaded and the server room is getting really hot. We need to get more windows built just to keep them open lest the servers get too warm for our service to continue.”

The sheer volume of Planking photos and videos being uploaded to the internet in general has already begun to cause problems for the public. Notably, my grandmother’s iPad stopped working yesterday – likely due to Apple’s servers becoming overloaded or my cousin dropping it in the bath one too many times.

While the trend seems like innocent fun for the brainwashed public, here at InfoBomb we recognise the real danger behind Planking – It’s entirely possible that an individual may get hurt while attempting to plank dangerously, perhaps on the tip of a rhino’s horn or upon a gun owned by someone to whom they owe a large sum of money.

If any member of your family has been planking, please put a stop to it before they hurt themselves, unless they are a paedophile or any other genre of monster.

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A lovely man with a broad planking on his dome.

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Queen Elizabeth has passed away at the age of 92. Just kidding!

Sorry if I scared you!
The queen hasn’t really died, but net neutrality is about to.

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Elizabeth II, pictured, is most likely alive and well – breathing royal air in the same lungs she’s had since 1926.

As we speak, the face of our currency is browsing her favourite websites on her iPad Pro, perhaps upvoting some hilarious Reddit posts or posting Pepes on 4chan, although this may all come crashing down any day now.

Net neutrality is at risk on account of vicious lawmakers in their large marble palaces drinking wine who would love nothing more than to rip from our hands our ability to browse all websites at an equal speed, not bottlenecked by paywalls and premium subscription packages.

These elite upper-classfolk sitting upon clouds woven from the finest silk have no understanding of internet culture like you, I and Queen Elizabeth II do.

They would much prefer a fat wad of gold coins (pictured) in their back pocket than the ability to freely play games on Miniclip, laugh at cats in predicaments (requesting a cheese burger) or to stream their favourite television show on a sketchy website with “Click here to cum 1000 times” pop-up adverts.

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Exhibit Shift+4

It’s due to this generational gap that the laws that could potentially murder net neutrality should be argued against, If you’d like to petition against the proposed laws please send an email to my mate Terry, he says he can get it sorted.

 

Why “Drake Clapping Gif” is problematic

There’s a new Gif in town and it goes by the name of “Drake_Clapping.gif”.
Chances are you’ve seen it used in celebration, perhaps congratulating a newborn relative on entering the mortal plane via Twitter¹, or in the midst of a heated argument on Facebook².
You may be surprised to hear there’s another side to the seemingly innocent animation of the thrilled Canadian rising from his seat in applause, a side that’s setting back the equality movement by a decade each time it is used.

¹ Twitter.com, a popular k-pop discussion forum
² Facebook.com, a website owned by a Zuckerberg

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The image, as summarised above, is used as frequently as once every five seconds, according to statistics provided by the 2017 Reaction Image Research Survey and may actually be a prime example of “cultural appropriation”, a brand new phrase that perfectly describes the difficulty caused for the progression of humanity by those who use another culture’s creations and traditions.
Drake is famous for being one of the first black men to appear on Canadian National Television, launching a career in his 2001 role as Jimmy Brooks in the hit show Degrassi, Drake proceeded to build a career starring in reaction images as well as music albums.

Because of the context of the man behind the image, many believe it’s not appropriate for a person without colour (PWC) to post the image by his own hand, lest other internet users mistake him for the hip-hop star, falsely accrediting the words written beside the .GIF to the (blissfully) unaware three-time Grammy winner.

In the era of apartheid this may have been acceptable but in the 2018th year of our lord, it leaves a stale taste in the mouth of smartphones worldwide (the mouth perhaps being the charging port) like a digital durian fruit, undoing the progress in the equality movement whenever a non-drake individual culturally appropriates the image for their own expression.

Sometimes referred to as “digital blackface”, I would rather call this phenomenon what it really is – wh*te supremacy.
When an individual chooses to (for example) use an emoji with a skin tone that does not match their own, they’re sending the message that they speak on behalf of not only those whose tone it does match but they’re also attempting to speak on behalf of all emojis who are famously stuck inside devices, unable to roam the physical world like us mortals and therefore the most marginalised demographic as of late.
It’s due to this power inequity we here at InfoBomb believe to that using the Drake Clapping Gif is a net negative for humanity and is therefore problematic, although many are ignorant to this fact.

Next time you use a reaction image or emoji, please take a moment to consider whether or not it’s likely to be problematic and hurtful, because chances are it is.

 

 

Proof that Donald Trump is a virgin

Proof that Trump is a virgin.

All good things must come to a beginning, and here at Infobomb we’re dedicated to sharing the truth behind seemingly normal everyday situations.

For the sake of clarity, I would like to explain, when I say “virgin”, I mean this not as an insult but merely a description of somebody whose life happens to be devoid of sexual activity.

The subject of my examination? Trump, POTUS, Drumpf, The Cheeto (my personal favourite nickname for the 74th president of the United States).
Many readers will refute my claim on the basis of Trump having multiple offspring, but I would like to present some evidence supporting the theory that they are in fact adopted, and not the natural fruit of his own workings.

Firstly, see the image below.

President Trump And First Lady Melania Hold National Thanksgiving Turkey Pardoning Ceremony

Many large differences can be seen between Donald and Barron, the most prominent of which being the glaring age disparity.
With Donald clocking in at 72 years old and Barron at a mere 12, the two could not be less alike.

Secondly, the facial expressions tell a story better than any of us here at Infobomb could.
On the left we see Barron, introspectively glaring, most likely thinking about trademarked gaming franchises (Minecraft, Guitar Hero, Dota 2) of which he’s known to be a fan.
He’s clearly very uncomfortable to be stood in front of the nation, and would much rather be at home mining for rare gems or building a to-scale model of his local Tesco.

Donald, on the other hand (the images proverbial right hand), can be seen announcing his thoughts to the world with an almost president-like confidence.
With one hand raised and another lowered, this man is no stranger to testosterone-fuelled battles of wit and saying what is on his mind, no matter the subject.

If the two were truly related, these traits would have passed down genetically and Barron – the only child of Donald – would be taller, closer to his father’s age, and would spend much less time on the gaming PC he recently built.

 

It’s also no secret that Donald is married to a wife, although there is no evidence available to the public that the two have ever laid down upon each other. In fact there is significantly more evidence to the contrary.
The most prominent piece of evidence is that Melania Trump (First Lady to ever work in the White House, according to wikipedia) is simply out of Donald’s league.

Donald-Trump-and-Melania-TrumpThe image above demonstrates this perfectly; the POTUS’ awkward smile next to his supposed girlfriend proves that Donald is not comfortable around any woman, let alone one as confident as Melania.
If Trump is unable to even stand near the woman without breaking down emotionally, it’s impossible for the two to have done the disgusting deed which often results in offspring.

This claim has also been backed up by an uncle of one of the Infobomb staff, who works a job in the White House, a mere janitor by day but when the clock strikes midnight he operates as the main strategist for the US army.
Using techniques learnt from RTS games since his childhood, the man we will refer to as ‘Uncle X’ puts together impeccable plans, the likes of which led to the takedown of Bin Laden just a few years ago.

Uncle X also knows a way to get new movies on DVD before they’re released, although the picture quality is imperfect.