Inspiring: Woman Orders Gluten Free Option Despite Not Being Intolerant

A woman in East London wowed her friends at brunch on Saturday, when she decided to eat gluten-free pancakes instead of her regular order.

Penny-Rose Tabernacle, 32 and from Hackney, told her friends that she had been feeling less tired during the day since switching to a gluten-free diet. Penny-Rose, a lifestyle blogger who works from home, said she only slept once during the afternoon now, and for only 90 minutes. This is despite doctors insisting that she does not have a gluten intolerance.

“It was amazing,” Penny-Rose’s friend Bridge told us. “Penny-Rose asserted to the waiter serving us, bold as brass, that she would be having the gluten-free pancakes made with almond flour and flax seed, topped with an organic wheatgrass coulis and ethically sourced cacao nibs. All of us were blown away. It was amazing to see her so confident and energised. In fact, she spent the next 2 hours telling us about her new diet. I was late to a baby shower, but I didn’t mind because I hadn’t bought a gift for the baby anyway as it’s not going to be born for another month and the shop assistant at Waitrose told me that a mortar and pestle isn’t “baby friendly” anyway.”

Speaking exclusively to InfoBomb, Penny Rose told us:

“I used to suffer from mysterious chronic stomach pain once a month, and I was very irritable. The doctors said they could find nothing wrong with me, but since switching to a gluten-free diet my overall health has improved in leaps and bounds. I’ve been doing this for two weeks now and I’ve only been a ‘silly moo’ once this week; when the barista at an artisan coffee shop put almond milk in my latte instead of cashew milk. I’m a whole new woman!”

Rumours are circulating that Penny-Rose will order pizza with a cauliflower crust at her next girls night-in event, but only time will tell.

 

 

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Adults Furious To Learn That Bert And Ernie Are Not Real People

Social media users were in uproar today to discover that Bert and Ernie, two popular Sesame Street characters, do not actually exist.

The shocking news was delivered on twitter by the account @SesameWorkshop, who tweeted:

Sesame Street has always stood for inclusion and acceptance. It’s a place where people of all cultures and backgrounds are welcome. Bert and Ernie were created to teach young children that people live in a Matrix and need to break out before it’s too late. The whole show is an allegory for Plato’s Cave. Also that Cookie Monster has some major issues.

Outraged by this revelation, the public took to Twitter in droves to voice their concerns.

‘Susiejones81’ tweeted:

“You should be ashamed. Absolutely reprehensible. I can’t believe you’d mislead me- I mean, my young children for so long. My children were looking forward to meeting them, maybe even purchasing a house on the Sesame Street, but you can bet your bottom dollar that ain’t happening now. #MAGA”

User ‘therecistance’ concurred and suggested to organise a mass protest, tweeting:

“Let’s hit them where it hurts and boycott the place. I will never visit your street again! Your cancelled sweaty! (3 nail emojis)”

Even President Donald “J for Jay” Trump waded into the row, tweeting:

g0M_e7Gq

We asked Big Bird for comment, but he thinks he’s too good for us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eurocrats Who Don’t Know How To Use The Internet Pass Bill To Change The Internet

The European Parliament was thrilled today as they passed legislation – known as Article 13 – that could ban memes, as it is a form of communication that they do not understand and thus fear.

European bureaucrats, whom no one elected in the first place, decided that they know best for Joe Publics internet usage, despite not being able to use the internet themselves.

Antonio Tajani, the president of the European Parliament, had his 19-year-old underpaid intern tweet out today that:

Our ‘Bullshit Decoder’ software tells us that by “victory for all citizens” he means “my friends at Big Corp”.

The European Parliament is also known as the B.O.O.M.E.R.S society, or “Big Old Overseeing Men Excitedly Rubbing themselves”.

Jean-Claude Juncker told us at InfoBomb that, “1984 is a fantastic story, less of a novel and more of a guideline.”

A grassroots movement across the internet is quickly being organised to make memes of the EU in the hopes that they will ban themselves. More on this as it develops.

BREAKING NEWS: Alex Jones KIDNAPPED By Satanic Silicone Valley

After the news broke that the satanists at Silicone Valley were engaging in an Info-War against conspiracy legend Alex Jones, it has emerged right now that Google has captured Alex Jones and are holding him hostage somewhere in Google HQ, deep underwater.

Early August, InfoWars was banned from Facebook, Apple, YouTube, and Spotify in an obvious collusion as these companies are controlled by interdimensional psychic vampires and could not let the TRUTH be known. Twitter was the last company to fold, just last week deciding to ban Alex from the platform forever because he hit Jack Dorsey (Twitter CEO) with too many truthbombs at a congressional hearing. With all contact to the outside world cut off, Alex was quickly intercepted and taken by Google, who are now trying to erase any evidence of Alex’s existence by hacking into the collective human unconscious hive-mind known as Google Search and remove him from the system.

Here is the proof:

infowars evidence.png

As you can see in the screenshot above, searching for InfoWars.com into the news tab elicits no articles to the main site. This is because Big Tech have already started the Great Erasure.

Many would accuse us at InfoBomb of propagating fake news, and point to the fact that Alex Jones was seen livestreaming only a few days ago. But fact it is not; if you look at the following screenshot carefully you will see that Alex is supposedly wearing a donkey mask. This, however, is actually a coded message to the public, mocking them for believing everything they see on the internet like asses. Because Alex Jones is not the one underneath the mask. It is an imposter, pumped up on steroids and Super Male Vitality to produce an almost indistinguishable character from the original.

alexjones.jpg

Though the hoax has everyone fooled, we saw the truth for what it was immediately; as no human is capable of radiating as much pure masculinity as Alex Jones.

But why target Alex Jones? Is it what he knows? Is it what he is? Is it his ability to sell chocolate chicken bone broth by the thousands? Are they harnessing his raw energy to use as a Weapon of Mass Destruction to bring about World War Three and the New World Order? One thing is for sure, by the time they start the mass deletion program to wipe him from our memories, nuclear winter will be upon us, and we will never know.

New Leak Finds That Barack Obama Never Existed

 

America was divided when Barack Hussein Obama II became the 44th President of the United States in January 2009. Many did not believe that he was born a citizen of the United States, claiming that he was instead born in Norway, and a ‘birthing’ movement was created. A big advocate of ‘the birthers’ was none other than the current President of America Donald ‘The Donald Trump’ Trump, who demanded that Barack Obama showcase his birth certificate to prove the haters wrong. Yet Obama never did acquiesce. Because the birth certificate didn’t exist.

Because Barack Obama had never been born.

Barack Obama never existed.

For 8 years, the American people were hoodwinked into believing that a man named Barack Obama led them. For 8 years he was watched on TV by millions. But the man on the TV was not a man at all. He was CGI, or Computer Generated Imagery, this entire time.

A credible source, who must remain anonymous, told us at InfoBomb that:

“There’s a reason you don’t see Obama much these days. It cost a fortune to keep the charade up, paid for unknowingly by the American taxpayer. Think of every single photo and video there is of Obama and realize that each of those were doctored. We had thousands of employees working around the clock during Obama’s (or as we called him ‘Obama.gif’) presidency just to make sure the secret never came out.”

Our source also exclusively gave us a set of pictures to publish, showcasing the evolution of the CGI-Obama quality.

BARAKGOL

“As you can see, our best technology was rather primitive at the time, but back in 2009 the internet wasn’t really a thing so we could get away with a lot of mistakes. If you were to squint near Obama.gif you would have been able to see his quite obvious pixels. We worked around this by making sure all important meetings were held during a game of golf, as wearing sunglasses helped cover this up nicely.”

baragolf

“Our technology improved massively since then, but we had one hiccup during Trump’s inauguration when the visual effects team couldn’t be bothered to put as much effort in the job anymore, as you can see in the photo below. Luckily no one noticed as no one was watching at the time.”

baracksee

Now that you, the reader, are educated on the menace of CGI Deep State agents, be aware of any C.G.P’s (Computer Generated Persons) in your area. A good rule of thumb is to see if they freeze without breathing for an inordinately long time (anything longer than 15 minutes is suspicious) if you turn the WiFi off.*

 

*It should be noted that MP Ed Miliband is NOT a C.G.P; we have a court order that proves it.

Proof that Donald Trump is a virgin

Proof that Trump is a virgin.

All good things must come to a beginning, and here at Infobomb we’re dedicated to sharing the truth behind seemingly normal everyday situations.

For the sake of clarity, I would like to explain, when I say “virgin”, I mean this not as an insult but merely a description of somebody whose life happens to be devoid of sexual activity.

The subject of my examination? Trump, POTUS, Drumpf, The Cheeto (my personal favourite nickname for the 74th president of the United States).
Many readers will refute my claim on the basis of Trump having multiple offspring, but I would like to present some evidence supporting the theory that they are in fact adopted, and not the natural fruit of his own workings.

Firstly, see the image below.

President Trump And First Lady Melania Hold National Thanksgiving Turkey Pardoning Ceremony

Many large differences can be seen between Donald and Barron, the most prominent of which being the glaring age disparity.
With Donald clocking in at 72 years old and Barron at a mere 12, the two could not be less alike.

Secondly, the facial expressions tell a story better than any of us here at Infobomb could.
On the left we see Barron, introspectively glaring, most likely thinking about trademarked gaming franchises (Minecraft, Guitar Hero, Dota 2) of which he’s known to be a fan.
He’s clearly very uncomfortable to be stood in front of the nation, and would much rather be at home mining for rare gems or building a to-scale model of his local Tesco.

Donald, on the other hand (the images proverbial right hand), can be seen announcing his thoughts to the world with an almost president-like confidence.
With one hand raised and another lowered, this man is no stranger to testosterone-fuelled battles of wit and saying what is on his mind, no matter the subject.

If the two were truly related, these traits would have passed down genetically and Barron – the only child of Donald – would be taller, closer to his father’s age, and would spend much less time on the gaming PC he recently built.

 

It’s also no secret that Donald is married to a wife, although there is no evidence available to the public that the two have ever laid down upon each other. In fact there is significantly more evidence to the contrary.
The most prominent piece of evidence is that Melania Trump (First Lady to ever work in the White House, according to wikipedia) is simply out of Donald’s league.

Donald-Trump-and-Melania-TrumpThe image above demonstrates this perfectly; the POTUS’ awkward smile next to his supposed girlfriend proves that Donald is not comfortable around any woman, let alone one as confident as Melania.
If Trump is unable to even stand near the woman without breaking down emotionally, it’s impossible for the two to have done the disgusting deed which often results in offspring.

This claim has also been backed up by an uncle of one of the Infobomb staff, who works a job in the White House, a mere janitor by day but when the clock strikes midnight he operates as the main strategist for the US army.
Using techniques learnt from RTS games since his childhood, the man we will refer to as ‘Uncle X’ puts together impeccable plans, the likes of which led to the takedown of Bin Laden just a few years ago.

Uncle X also knows a way to get new movies on DVD before they’re released, although the picture quality is imperfect.